


You've Always Felt Like Home

by goodgreycious



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Adventure, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Isolation, Not fighting what we hate, Post TLJ, Post canon, So much more angst than intended, Somewhat, saving what we love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 00:06:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15158135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodgreycious/pseuds/goodgreycious
Summary: From a pragmatic point of view, Rey knew that the Bond wasn't closed. Not in the literal sense of her shutting the hangar door of the Falcon on the other half of said bond... more like the metaphorical sense. Or an emotional sense. Or yes, maybe even a literal sense seeing as how sometimes hallways she’ll be walking down seemed a little more monochromatically black. Or in the way her hand would suddenly cramp up like it had connected with something solid. The most important thing, however, was that he wasn't in her direct field of vision anymore.~~~Based on a fluffy dialogue prompt I received ("You've always felt like home") that went in a direction I was NOT expecting.





	You've Always Felt Like Home

**Author's Note:**

> My friends should know better than to give me fluff prompts. They always end up this way. I don't know why I'm like this. But please enjoy my first attempt at a Reylo story! This pairing means a lot to me and all I wanted to do was do it justice.
> 
> Also (if you make it there) PLEASE see the End Notes at the bottom. It is extremely important to me! Thank you and enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine. Anything you don't is all me.

From a pragmatic point of view, Rey _knew_ that the Bond wasn't closed. Not in the literal sense of her shutting the hangar door of the Falcon on the other half of said bond, more like the metaphorical sense. Or an emotional sense. Or yes, maybe even a literal sense seeing as how sometimes hallways she’ll be walking down seemed a little more monochromatically black. Or in the way her hand would suddenly cramp up like it had connected with something solid. The most important thing, however, was that he wasn't in her direct field of vision anymore. And if she could remember that, then she could pretend that the Bond had been closed. Like it didn't hurt to be so shut off from that part of the Force that was so uniquely and irrevocably her. _And him,_ a voice would whisper on the rare occasions her surroundings were well and truly quiet.

 

It was Poe's idea to hide out and blend in on a planet more loyal to the First Order than most on the Outer Rim. It was still under the flag of neutrality so the Order would never think to look for the remains of their enemies on what they probably considered their own turf. The dozen that were left had come to an unsteady acceptance of the plan. Which didn't stop Rey from saying she had a bad feeling about it all. But, to her and everyone else's surprise, Poe's plan was working. They had been on world for about a standard month, camped out in an abandoned starship yard's warehouse on the outskirts of the capital city. Big enough to hide the Falcon, big enough for everyone to get away from each other, but still be together and some supplies should they need it. Also, close enough to the city where they could barter and trade for whatever they needed but still stay out of sight.

 

Big picture wise, the Resistance had been reduced to less-than-rubble, but in close frame, there were small victories to be had. They had a shelter, water, and warmth. The warehouse even had a side room that turned out to be an old medical bay which meant Rose and whoever else was left were on the mend. The supplies in said room were too old for any of them to think about, but people were healing and that was all that mattered. They were moving on as best they could. The only way they knew how. When Rey wasn't in meetings, scavenging for food in the city, training, or any of the other blasted things she had somehow inherited the responsibility of, she snuck away to the roof. If she squinted hard enough, the city lights could almost be stars.

 

She thought she was getting better too, like the rest of them. But she'd look at the people left, at Poe, Finn, Leia, and Rose and remember that while yes, she was getting stronger, she was becoming more and more isolated. The scattered remains of the rebellion had driven these people closer while she never felt further away. And if she was being honest, she may have thought at one point that the Force was a touch peeved at her, still cut off from that _other_ part. It wasn’t that she was trying to cut herself off from the Force. She was working so hard to understand it and train with it., but she was also working so hard on everything else that now demanded her attention. By the time she was well and truly alone, all she could do was sleep for four or five standard hours before the cycle started over again.

 

She tried to hide it as best she could, but she knew Finn sensed that something was wrong. She also knew how much he wanted to leave all this behind like she knew he never could. Not now. Not after everything. But he had Poe and Rose. She had them too, but she didn't share the bond with them that Finn did. Like the pilot and the mechanic, she was just another moon helplessly drawn into Finn's orbit. She had started isolating herself, even though she knew Leia didn't approve. She wanted Rey to relax in their pyrrhic victory while she claimed she felt in her bones, the other shoe was about to drop. And while Leia and the others may not have understood her loneliness and lashing out, the General had given Rey the leeway to do as she pleased.

 

***

Because of all the quiet from the past month, Rey had almost forgotten how a bomb always sounded worse in dead silence. She had decided to go it alone in the city that day to get food provisions for everyone. Finn had insisted he go with her, but Rey knew Rose was going to start her physical therapy today. Plus, Rey had wanted to see if she could find some more parts for her side projects. She had taken to fixing up an old transport ship that had been left in the warehouse, the _Ataraxia_. Startlingly, it had been in mint-condition when she found it. A little broken, but still good. Kind of like her. Leia had used it once or twice to go to meetings off planet for rebuilding missions and was happy to report the little vessel was flying fine. She hadn't told anyone else about the other thing.

 

She had just finished gathering a small amount of food before she found the scrap metal trader's post “Closed for Rally.” She had noticed more people in the streets flocking towards the city center. Most of them never ventured that close to the main hub of civilization but Rey was curious. The outpost was just a few blocks from what looked like the very back of the crowd that all seemed to be meeting at a stage in the middle of a green area. It wasn’t the green of Takodana, but Rey supposed the grey Outer Rim planet had to make do with what it could.

 

Shouldering her pack, Rey decided to climb one of the nearby faux trees to get a better look at the stage. It was sitting high above everyone else, but not higher than the faux tree lines. It was a large black cylinder. Nothing special about that. Rey started when the top seemed to open up. Rising from the middle of the stagel was a platform full of Stormtroopers. She knew right then should've looked away. Should’ve paid more attention to the signs, physical and Force ones alike. But she didn't, and she saw him. He was standing next to that lanky looking ginger toad, looking to all the world like how she supposed the new Supreme Leader ought to look. But she saw his eyes, seemingly devoid of all emotion, the hollowed out cheeks and almost like the clothes he was wearing were too big for him even though Rey knew they weren't. And even though she was far enough away to merely be a speck in a tree, she felt it when his eyes found her. Like a key clicking into a lock, like the all the lights around her were too bright. The sheer power of his presence through the Force at being this close to him- the Force seeming to relax as if to say, _finally_ \- knocked her out of the tree. She just ran.

 

She stormed into the the warehouse like a hurricane. Everyone asking questions and chirping at her endlessly. She told them the basest of information trying not to lose her patience, her nerve, her whatever. She only knew for certain one thing: Kylo Ren was on world and they needed off. She shrugged off Poe's determined glance, Finn's worried look, and Leia's knowing one. She went to go gather what little she had, ignoring the pulsing force signatures of those around her while clamping down hard on the box she put his in. _I will NOT be overwhelmed,_ she thought furiously. She had her plan. All she had to do was stick to it long enough to make it work.

 

“I'm not coming with you,” she had said after Chewie had successfully gotten everyone in the Falcon. The First Order had been on a diplomatic and rallying mission that no one had known about, staying so far out from the main hub of the city. Now that she knew for certain the connection was alive and thrumming through her, she had fought every part of her body to keep him away from her sight until she got clear of her friends. It was better this way anyway. She should have remembered: she always better off on her own.

 

“No, Rey, you have to! We're safer together and there's no reason for us to separate now,” Finn had protested loudly.

 

“He's right Rey, we just all put the pieces back together. Don't split now,” Poe said with hope.

 

“Guys, I wish I could. But there's some things I need to do. And I can't be around you all and do them,” she said determinedly. Her control was slipping, and he felt stronger which could only mean he was getting closer. Closer to them. To the only family she had left. She refused to put them in his path. The protests started again until Rose came right up to her. She studied the little engineer as they locked eyes. For whatever reason, Rey had always attached this yellow toned glow to Rose that never seemed to go away. But she guessed Rose had found what she was looking for because she took her hands and placed the old cloaked beacon bracelet in her hand and gave her a hug. Rey hugged back fiercely, pouring all her gratitude towards her into the hug.

 

“You have three weeks to do what you need to do. Then you come back. Is that understood?” demanded Leia as the two girls broke apart. Rey nodded and turned to go, but Rose stopped her again. She shrugged off the crescent shaped pendant she always wore, the one that would never see it's other half again, and placed it around Rey's neck. “So you can find home, where ever it may be.” Rey just stood shell shocked as the girl turned back toward the hangar door of the Falcon and Rey watched as her family, her life, closed off behind it. She watched as the Falcon took off, clutching the pendant like a lifeline, before she sped over to the _Ataraxia._ As soon as she hit atmosphere, somewhere back on world, an old and abandoned warehouse crumbled to the ground.

 

She had just hit light-speed when she finally let go of everything. The tightness in her body, the weight in her mind, the heaviness of her soul. And just like that, he appeared. Not that she could see him. She was still sitting down in the pilot's seat, eyes shut. But she felt him, she felt his presence like a Rathtar prod to her spine. Like a warm blanket settling over her. They didn't speak, but they both knew. It was wholeness. What neither of them wanted to admit they needed or missed.

 

***

 

She didn't spend too much time outside of light-speed except to stop at random outposts to fuel up and trade. She trained, using whatever space she could find to keep her muscle strength up. She flew through passing meteor fields to figure out exactly how her ship flew. She stayed in the onboard shower for hours on end and tried decrypting the sacred Jedi texts she- _ahem_ \- borrowed from Luke. She finally allowed herself to open her mind and meditate. She wasn’t putting anyone in danger except herself now. He would flicker in and out occasionally, almost as if he was checking the Bond to see if it was actually still open, that she was still alive. Some days he would show up and she could almost touch the anger radiating off him. And the times where she was selfish enough to try and catch his eye, she could never seem to get him out of the corner of her gaze. They never spoke except for once when she stopped on a First Order moon to refuel. He glared at her, like he was appalled at her audacity to step foot on one of their moons. Her gaze said it couldn’t be helped. He actually told her to be careful. She told him to go to hell.

 

Even after a week and a half, she really didn't know where she was going, but she felt like she was going towards something. Until one day, she found it. At another refuel stop, she decided to wander the little town that the fueling station was in. It didn't take her long to walk the length of the little town, and she figured by the time she walked back to her ship, it'd be ready to go, but a glimmer on the wall of a building caught her eye. Standing as a backdrop to a little play area for the local younglings was a gorgeous mural of a temple. She was captivated at the beauty of it, drinking in the golden yellow and undertones of purple. It was older than her, but not by much, she could tell.

 

“Do you like it?” said a native voice to her left. She looked over and down to see a youngling staring at her in wonder. She was a little blue thing with wide grey eyes and a snout like nose. Rey nodded. “That's the Jedi Temple on our fourth moon!”

 

“Jedi Temple?” she asked, but her new friend had disappeared. She ran back to her ship to talk to the locals at the refueling station.

 

“It's not a temple...” said a broken voice, lost to the wind and still standing at the mural.

 

***

 

“It's not a temple,” she said as she stepped off the _Ataraxia._ No, it was so much more familiar. So much more painful.

 

“No,” said a deep voice from behind her, gargled like it was drowning. Like it hadn't been used in eons. She clutched at Rose's pendant, keeping her back to him and hoping he didn't notice the way her shoulders relaxed in hearing his voice as she walked forward. He noticed anyway, but let her go forward a bit, knowing and hating that she needed to discover this for herself.

 

Ruin was all around her, chaos that was time locked, unmoving yet decaying. She passed the training fields and the devotion temple, the mediation garden and crumbled statues. She saw the main building itself in the distance. Despair, pain, anger, hurt, and confusion, hers and his, swirled within her as she tried to take everything in. She felt as if she was experiencing it through him and Luke and the students that had lost their lives here.

 

“What are you doing here?” he asked suddenly, pulling her out of her revere.

 

“I- I don't know. This,” she answered hesitantly. “This was your home?” He scoffed at her, a sound so achingly familiar she finally locked eyes with him again.

 

“This place was a sham, a carefully crafted pinnacle of lies to make a child believe he was more than what his parents argued about when they didn't think he could hear them.” She didn't know what to say to that, but she knew she was there for a reason. She took a deep breath and reached deep into the Force and let it guide her. She felt it, like a tiny little red string wrapping around her finger and pulling her towards something. He had no choice but to follow until he figured out where she was headed.

 

“Stop,” he said harshly causing her to turn back towards him. Her chin tilted up into her defiant look that he knew so well and liked too much. “No,” she said back just as harshly.

 

“You don't know what you're stepping into,” he sneered, trying like he always did to cover his real feelings with anger. But she saw through it. She saw the helplessness and fear. Like he thought she wasn't going to be able to accept this part of him, the little lost boy who killed to belong. The raw emotion that she felt from him startled her, but she forced herself forward and tried to project calming thoughts at him.

 

“Please,” he called gently, all the fight leaving him. She flinched at the nostalgia of ten years ago and ten weeks ago when the door of the Falcon was being shut on him, not her. Nevertheless, she plowed forward until she didn't.

 

It was the most decrepit looking building of them all, like a black hole had been born at its centerand pulled the roof inward. Perhaps it had. The Force thrummed all around here, the old energy calling to her like a homing beacon as she walked through what she thought used to be the door. Everything around her felt ancient, but it looked well loved. She channeled the Force to move things out of her path as she started to reconstruct a forgotten life. A little desk with a calligaraphy set, a small bed, tattered school robes and books. It was then that she saw it on the bricks, the things too neat to be cracks. They were day markers. Just like the ones at her old place on Jakku. She felt the tears immediately at her eyelids but that wasn’t what she had come for. It wasn’t he beacon that  was calling her home. She got to her knees as rifled it out of the ruins by hand, needing to touch what was physically manifesting itself as their Bond.

 

In her hands was an old lightsaber, built almost like the one they had both destroyed. But, she could see the touches of a young Ben Solo, carefully crafting it so at least one thing in his life could be perfect and his. She looked at it with reverence, the well of her emotions and his overflowing all around them. Gently, as she knows he would've liked it handled, she removed the shattered pieces from around the kyber crystal at the heart of the weapon. It survived, trying desperately to breath life into a place so filled with death. It called for her but it screamed and yearned for its old master who was so close, but so far.

 

The calm was broken as the cry of a what sounded like a wounded animal ripped through the silence from behind her. The storm brewing inside him wailed to split him to his bones, though he was trying to keep it on a tight leash. For her sake or his own, she couldn’t suss out at that moment. She stepped towards him, pocketing the crystal. She would be it’s guardian. Ben Solo's hope and humanity was forged into that crystal and she was determined to keep it safe until he was ready to bring it home. His eyes were screwed shut, but she took another step forward and he flinched.

 

“I know it never felt like home,” she said softly, but he started as if she had shouted. “What does home feel like Ben?” Finally in front of him, finally together, finally feeling at peace with their Bond, she placed a hand on the cheek divided by the scar she gave him. His eyes flew open and they locked gazes as the true weight of the Force was cut loose from it's restraints and overtook them. It could've been minutes, hours, days, or star cycles. What is was though, was all the stars in the galaxy being born and dying in the same breath. It was all the colors in the world, it was light and chaos, and darkness and serenity. It was a peace. A balance. Like a child, his finger caught on Rose's ever-half pendant that hung around her neck and fell  to his knees in front of her, his head hanging, as she removed her hand from his profile. She looked down at the strange picture it made, knowing they had started something, though the extent of it they couldn't comprehend. She suddenly remembered what Rose said to her, _so you can find home, where ever it may be._

 

“Rey,” he breathed out, like it was the most perfect sound his lips had ever made. It was the first time he had said her name since everything happened, she realized as her breath caught in her throat. “How can you not know?” She shook her head silently, willing the tears not to fall as everything became clear. “You've always felt like home.”

  


**Author's Note:**

> I took liberties for some things, but tried to be as accurate as I could. I'm still new at this so please be kind and drop me a comment and/or kudo and/or constructive criticism. You can find me to yell, talk, and discourse on tumblr at goodgreycious.tumblr.com!
> 
> ALRIGHT PEOPLE I NEED A FAVOR. I have to give credit where credit is due to the second part of this story. I read a fic forever ago that I literally for the life of me cannot remember the name of. It was a multi-chapter, post-canon fic (I THINK) that had Rey finding Ben's old lightsaber and eventually using the crystal inside it to create a new one after he left the First Order, which if I remember correctly, he wields at the end of the story. If anyone knows the fic to which I am referring... please please PLEASE let me know. That fic was a huge inspiration to this story and the last thing I would ever want is for someone to think that I was stealing or plagiarizing that author's ideas in any way, shape, or form. If someone does find it, I want to reread it and if they are too similar, I will be the first to take this story down.


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